Change

I don’t remember how I used to be. I guess I remember I used to be more happy. I can’t say the happiness is fake or something but why do I have to be aware of things now which can’t make me happy anymore? I difficult to know how people perceive you and I am especially scared of the prejudice people have who have known me for a long time. A constant reminder from them that I have changed, and you think I don't know that? I literally have to take medicines to make terms with that fact.

We so much lack a system of emotional and social support. I don’t know if people don’t know how it is or people are just busy on their own or they just don’t care. Also, many times people aren’t even aware of the things I am saying, so god why me?

Change is about loss. Sometimes you lose yourself and sometimes you just lose people when aiming to change into something. Why can’t people look beyond? See what I am trying to be. Maybe it depends on how much we share and what they perceive. There is a term called Hikikomori in Japanese. The tradition of severe social withdrawal. It’s a vicious cycle. You face changes, you are unable to comprehend, your friends find you weird and you withdraw socially, and now you completely lose people and are isolated for only god knows how long. I wish our society were soft on these people. But fucking hypocrites only care once a person commits it. ‘It’, the thought of just not existing is so common I don’t know if people know.

But yeah after all who the fuck cares, right?